When emergency strikes, will you be prepared?

Fellow humans, elves, and dwarves:
In these uncertain times, illness and malady surround us all, and could claim any of us at any moment. But thanks to new advances in medical technology, you can keep yourself and your loved ones safe!
The leech comes to us on the highest authority: The world-renowned Dr. Stuttgart, owner of the largest leech farm in Marienburg, and author of several best-selling and pioneering works such as Leeches: The Little Suckers That Can, Leeches: The Little Suckers That Can II, and Natural Cures They Don't Want You To Learn About. No longer is it necessary to be subjected to painful bloodletting which could keep you bedridden for weeks, or so-called "magical" cures by Sigmar and Ulric zealots who are only after your gold anyway, leeches are little worm sized miracles of modern medicine!
From pain-relief to mutation treatments, irritable bowel syndrome to homosexuality, influenza to demonic possession, leeches have a proven and well documented track record of success. Make sure to visit your local physician for the latest and greatest in leech medicine technology.

Please do not embark on a leech regimen without first consulting your doctor. Side effects are rare and may include speaking in tongues, autonomous nipple, and wandering genital syndrome.